Dear Friends,

Well howdy everybody. This weekend was a good week. I got to see a lot of my friends. One especially good friend I got to see was Kris Jarvis. We sat and joked about a lot but, the most women and the fact that none of them interested us at this particular time in our lives. (First Disclaimer: This letter is not meant to be sexist)

So anyway, we got this idea that now before we date anyone there should be an application to fill out. Of course the first thought I had was, "What a great Dear Friends idea." So here we go...

ANTHHONY DORIA'S DATE APPLICATION

NAME ____________
AGE ___________ (UNDER 18 NEED NOT APPLY)

HAVE YOU BEEN ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED MORE THAN 3 TIMES?

HAVE YOU HAD MORE THAN 5 PREGNANCY SCARES?

DO YOU HAVE AN EX-BOYFRIEND WHO TREATED YOU BAD BUT, YET YOU CAN'T SEEM TO BREAK IT OFF FOR GOOD?

(IF YOU ANSWERED YES TO THE LAST THREE QUESTIONS, DO NOT PROCEED, WE HAVE MADE OUR DECISION.....UH....WE'LL CALL YOU :O)

DISCLAIMER #2: PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES ARE NOT IMPORTANT BUT, UNDERSTAND THAT I AM A AVERAGE BUILT, 5 FOOT 6 INCH, 160 POUND MAN. A 300 POUND, 7 FOOT TALL, AMAZON GAL IS NOT NESSECARILY WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR :O)

ARE YOU ABLE TO LISTEN?

ARE YOU WILLING TO GET TO KNOW ME?

ARE YOU WILLING TO SHARE A FRIENDSHIP WITH ME, REGARDLESS OF WHAT THE OUTCOME OF OUR DATING PROCEEDS TO?

WOULD YOU GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO DO SOMETHING NICE FOR SOMEONE ELSE, EVEN IFIT MEANT MISERY FOR YOU?

WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT? FAME OR FORTUNE?

DISCLAIMER #3: THE ABOVE QUESTION WAS A TRICK QUESTION. NEITHER IS IMPORTANT. REAL HAPPINESS IS MOST IMPORTANT, HOWEVER IT IS ACHEIVED. THE KEY WORD IN THIS DISCLAIMER IS "REAL", WHICH BASICALLY RULES OUT DRUG AND ALCOHOL USE AS A SUBSTITUTE OF HAPPINESS. IT ALSO DENIES MONEY OR SUCCESS EQUALLING HAPPINESS. IF YOU THINK THAT YOU MOST SPEND YOUR LIFE WORKING MISERABLY FOR 40 YEARS TO FINALLY BECOME SUCCESSFUL AND THEN WHEN YOU HAVE ALL YOUR MONEY AND ALL YOUR MATERIAL POSSESSIONS THAT YOU WILL FINALLY BE HAPPY THINK AGAIN. REMEMBER WHEN YOU DIE, YOUR BRAND NEW 01 Z28 IS NOT
COMING WITH YOU. (GEEZE THAT WAS A LONG DISCLAIMER!)

ARE YOU CONFIDENT WITH YOUR LIFE?

DO YOU LIKE TO CUDDLE?

(IF NO....WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!)

AND NOW WE GET TO THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION....

ARE YOU READY FOR A MATURE, FUN AND INTERESTING RELATIONSHIP?

I CAN'T TELLYOU IF IT WILL LAST OR IF IT WILL WORK AT ALL BUT, I CAN PROMISE YOU THESE THINGS,

I WILL ATTEMPT TO TREAT YOU AS WELL AS I AM PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY ABLE
I WILL BE ROMANTIC, CRAZY, SERIOUS, LOVING, CARING, AND SHARING
MOST OF ALL, I WILL BELIEVE IN YOUR DREAMS, YOUR GOALS, AND YOUR IDEAS AND ALL I ASK IN RETURN IS YOU DO THE SAME.


That's it my application. I might have left a few things out but, that's what the interview is for right? So, for the few applicants out there, fill it out, get it back to me and hey we will see what we can do.

Oh yah, almost forgot, one last disclaimer...

Disclaimer #4: If you are Jennifer White and you just so happen to want to fill out the application.....don't bother. I will hire you on the spot!

Love you guys,

Anthony Doria