Dear Friends,

I have been dwelling a lot lately and well, you know what that means.

It means I have something blatently useless to talk about.

Yet this week I think it's gonna be differant. This week I am gonna offer a piece of advice. Some food for the brain if you will. This week I will discuss and explain in great detail the

(da da da da)

ANTHONY'S THREE MONTH DATING RULE

Let me supply a scenerio for you all and you can tell me if it sounds familiar.

You meet someone, and right from the bat you have a strange comfortable and most important....equal attraction to one another. So you start the normal human dating ritual (flowers, candy, tonsil-hockey). After about one month this person (Or person's depending on which culture) seems like God's gift to you and you say to yourself "This is the one!" as a college kid says when looking for a movie in Walmart's 5 dollar DVD section and he/she comes accross "Shadow Warriors" starring Shannon Tweed, Appollo Creed from "Rocky" and last but certainatly not least.......Terry "Hulk" Hogan.

Moving along,

So, it is at this point when the first thought of that word that can be hell and heaven all in the same gravy dish. You know, the word with more Dr. Jeckal and Mr Hyde traits then the Colonel in the first "American Ninja" Movie? (ok bad example)

Of Course I am talking about love. Love Love Love. The only word we spend countless numbers of hours creating 'higher' standards than the new Snoop Doggy Dog Talk Show (if you know what I mean). Yet in the same instance, we are so quick to apply this word and all the meaning behind it into every little scarolle *(italion word that I don't know how to spell. I am not sure what it means except my grandpa use to call my girlfriends it) we meet in a bar and doesn't snubb us when we open up with our pick-up line we stole from Adam Sandler in Anger Management.

(yah the "exploding in my pants" one.......oh yah, I tried it.....heh heh)

As I see I am getting off track I will make a sharp right and bring this letter back to that first month. The first month of dating. When everything is perfect. Now I want you to listen when I say this.

The first month. IS COMPLETE AND UTTER BULL@#%$&!!!

Follow this scale and you will always have a clear and conscience head when dating.

Month one = Courting Month. This is the month that your gal/guy is gonna try everything he/she can to make sure you like them. Go out of there way to do things. Buy presents. BE AWARE!!! This is not the actual person you are dating. This is merely Ted the salesman they have sent out to close the deal on you.

Month two = Cancellation Month. This is a very important month. See initially this person you are dating roped you in but, you still have a 30-day risk free trial period. They know that at anytime during this month you can cancel your service so they have to take what ever you liked during month one and duplicate it during month two.

Month three = This is where the evil doer will sink their claws in. They know they can hold the REAL them back for long so it's time to sign your life away. It's time to agree to the terms of the life contract. It's time to get you to say those incredible hulk words.....I LOVE YOU.

Then they've got you. You stuck. You are in for life. What happens next is the real person you are dating comes out and it's no where near who you thought you were dating. But, you can't leave.....because you are in love. Sucker.

There is hope though friends.....The next time you date someone. Wait three months before making any rash decisions. Fortunately even the evil-est of evil can only hold back their evil-ness for so long. A period of time before they can't take it anymore. That period....

Three months.

Three months.

Three months.

This has been Anthony Doria......once again telling you something.....you probably already know. :o)

Love you guys.

antny