Dear Friends,

So no one called me.

Nobody emailed me either.

But, you know what. I am glad. I am. Truthfully. NO SARCASM.

I used to tell a story to people all the time hopeing that it might help them in the walk of life. In my head, it made sense and had a wonderful point. See, I believe, everyone is born with certain devils in their lives. Bad things that have just "always been there." Things that you have always done. Whether it's a personality flaw. Whether it's a pridefull thought. Whether it is something blatantly obvious or something hidden deep down inside. Whatever these "devils" are...everyone has them. And it's everyone's job to discover them and rid their lives of them. That was the big line I used. Makes ya think. Well, it might have made you think. But, you know....it never really made me think. Nope. I just continued on feeling like I "helped" someone. Feeling like I just did good. Good job Anthony, you saved someone.

Moron.

How can someone who analizes everything about life be so blind and stupid to miss this big thing? This great gigantic 2 by 4 sticking out of your eye? How did you miss that? How did you not realize what you were doing? And then the worst part is....you rant and rave about some sort of respect or love or pat on the back that you think you deserve?

I am not entitled to anything. I am not entitled to love, friendships, or anything else that I have in my life. I don't deserve these things that I am getting. And I definetely don't deserve the things I am not getting. I don't even deserve to have you guys read these letters each time something pops into my head. Yet, for almost 22 years of my life I lived everyday thinking I do. Expecting my "time" to come. Expecting everyone to realize how "great" of a person I am. I am not great. I am not even good. Being good is not doing everything in your power to control the thoughts and actions of your peers. Being good is not even an action. Being good....is
smiling and giving me a hug even though I do things that disgust you. Being good is listening to me whine about my life on the phone, knowing the the true problem lies within myself and yet saying nothing because you know now is not the time. Being good is getting the courage to tell me the truth when it is the right time. Hell, that's not just being good....that's is what is great. That is what seperates the people who think they are special from the people that truely are in this world. I have a confession to make. For a long time I thought I was special. I thought I was sent here for you guys. To help you. To be here for you. To be your friend. But,
today....I realized.....It was you guys that were sent here for me. You guys are the special ones. I am just a normal guy with just as many "devils" as the next person. I guess it's time to start eating my words and finding out what those devils are.

Thank you.

Love you guys

Anthony