Dear Friends,

Memorial Day. A day to reflect on those who lost their lives fighting for this country. Bet you didn't know that. I sure didn't. Nope. It took me a whole day of bordem to figure out why the hell everything was closed and no one was out in town today. It was only when I finally came to my conclusion that I decided that I would take you on a brain-storming trip through my my own warped little mind. I first decided to search the community for hopes of a sign or a revelation on why this day was celebrated. It wasn't for people who work hard for a living-that's Labor Day (Although as all you teenagers know Labor Day just means you have to pull a double shift at the burger joint) Then I thought well it's for War Veterens? No Dice Cheeno that's Veteren's Day. So I thought what is a Memorial? Like the Washington Monument? Mount Rushmore? Statue of Liberty? These are Memorials. We are taking the day off to celebrate
these? I mean not only are we braking a commandment by worshiping a man-made idol but, more importantly, most of our Memorials were built by French Guys! So I can't get my mail today because I have to celebrate a Gigantic Statue of a French Guy's Mother? I knew this couldn't be the case because in essence the closest French people are Canadians and wouldn't they just be laughing their...um...uh.."boots" off if we didn't work today for them. So I looked for a differant answer. Maybe Memorial Day was like one of those Holidays that doesn't actually mean anything.....like Columbus Day. It was Chris Rock that said, "Nobody celebrates Columbus Day. No puts, like, Three ships in their yard." Very true and yet we hold a special day out of the year for a man who discovered the West Indies? The West Indies? What happened to good ole Americo Vespuci? Why didn't he get a day? Was
his last name to hard to pronounce or something? I don't think that was the case. No, I think when the idea of a Holiday first came up a long time ago they were just aching for reasons to have one. I'm serious. I also think if we just discovered the idea of creating a National holiday this year...America would have some interesting holidays. We would have days like....Beenie Baby Day....Superbowl Day....The Baldwins Birthday would be like another Chanauka. We would also have more race-related days but,
everyone would wanna get in on the action. Dominican Republicans Day. Greenlanders Day (they are always forgotten about). Uraguay Day (You get five points if you send back a Simpson's quote using Uraquay :o). Then there would have to be an Old People Day for some Psycho Reason. Like they don't get enough already. We continue to let them drive even though they are blind, can't eat solid foods and randomly relieve themselves without noticing. If some of them hadn't died for this coun......Hey! (And that's
when it hit me) People died for this country. People died so that I could sit in my house all day ranting and raving about how stupid a holiday created for them is. Boy I feel like an ass.

Love you guys,

Anthony Doria
Love you guys